Why Being Infertile Isn't The End Of The World, Even Though It May Feel Like It Now

Full disclosure: I don’t know if I’m infertile or not. I’ve never been tested, but I’ve had my suspicions throughout the years. Here’s the thing though…I’ve never had a strong desire to have biological children, so finding out that I was infertile wouldn’t phase me too much. On the other hand, my sister has always wanted a family. Thankfully, she and her husband are currently expecting their second child. However, if she had been given the news that she or her husband were infertile, I imagine it would have been devastating. Infertility affects different people in different ways, and for some people infertility can feel like the end of their hopes and dreams for what their life will be like.

This is the part where I’m going to repeat the super-insensitive phrase that is the title of this blog post (and hopefully not offend anyone): regardless of whether you dream of pregnancy and children or whether you are content with your fur-baby (I love you, Moxie!), being infertile isn’t the end of the world. You heard me: infertility is NOT the end of the world.

Here are some things that WOULD be the end of the world…a global pandemic (a la ebola, for example), a major asteroid impact, nuclear warfare, climate change, and let’s not forget the dreaded zombie apocalypse. Now before you shoot me, I’m just trying to inject a little humor into an admittedly heavy topic and give everyone a reminder of the proverbial, “it could always be worse.” In no way am I mocking, condescending, preaching, or minimalizing the very real feelings of frustration, hopelessness, and despair that infertility can bring. But I do know from personal experience as an unrelenting pessimist that there are times when we need to step back and get a fresh perspective on things.

Usually, things are not as bad as they seem. Sometimes, they are exactly as bad as they seem. But rarely are things hopeless. Infertility is a struggle, a hurdle, and a wound that you may carry your whole life and that may never fully heal. Every person is different, and some people will “move on” quickly while for others it may be a constant struggle. But it IS possible to find comfort, to find support, and to find happiness and fulfillment in your life. There are numerous infertility resources available, including online forums, message boards, and support groups. Remember, you are not alone on your journey. In the words of Anne Frank, “think of all the beauty still left around you, and be happy.” 

Written by: Margaret Durkovic

How to Deal With Infertility Treatment Not Going As Planned

“It’s not fair, there are babies having babies every day. I’m ready - I have a supportive partner, a stable job, and I want a family. Why isn’t this working?”

Exploring different fertility solutions can be really hard, and in a lot of different ways, but you’re not alone. Many women are now pushing children back on their timelines so they can focus on themselves, their relationships, and their careers. Unfortunately, the fertility timeline has stayed the same, so these women can often struggle with infertility. 

In fact, “infertility” was recently redefined - any couple who has been unsuccessful at getting pregnant after more than a year of regular unprotected sex. If you're currently undergoing infertility treatment it's not going as planned, here's how to cope with your situation.

Physical Toll

Being pregnant is hard, but what a lot of people don’t realize is actually getting pregnant could be a whole lot harder. One of the first infertility treatments involves medication (and most other treatments require medication in tandem). According to NHS Choices and American Pregnancy, possible side effects include:

●     Depression, Irritability, or Mood Swings

●     Restlessness, Insomnia, Dizziness, Blurred Vision, or Headaches

●     Nausea or Vomiting

●     Nasal Congestion

●     Hot Flashes, Breast Tenderness, or Decreased Breast Size

●     Decreased Blood Pressure or Bone Density Loss

●     Swelling/Rash at the Injection Site

●     Painful Intercourse, Ovarian Cysts, Pelvic Discomfort, or Vaginal Dryness

●     Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) - This is when medication sensitivity causes too many eggs to develop in the ovaries. Symptoms include pain/bloating in the lower abdomen, vomiting, shortness of breath, and feeling faint.

IVF side effects include clear or bloody fluid, cramping, bloating, constipation, or breast tenderness.

Financial Toll

We know how expensive fertility treatments cost, but since there are so many more options now and more families are utilizing them, more insurance companies are covering certain treatments. In fact, some financiers and medical providers are even offering partial and full refunds when a treatment is unsuccessful.

Emotional Toll

You can find a mental health counselor who specializes in helping deal with infertility through the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. It’s important to talk to someone, even if you’re simply looking for support, but there are plenty of reasons to speak to a fertility counselor.

They can help you when depression starts to transcend other areas of your life, like your relationships or your career. They can also help you sift through all your options, so they don’t overwhelm you. If you’re considering gamete donations, surrogacy, adoption, or a childfree life, you should definitely talk to a counselor about that. It’s a lot to accept, and something you might not realize you need help with.

Even if you have a wonderful, supportive partner, counseling can be great for you. Couples will handle stress in different ways, and a lot of times, it can cause stress between the two. A counselor can help you get through it together or help give you what you need as individuals.

By Joanna Hynes

Should I See a Fertility Specialist?

You want a baby. You have a loving partner and a stable job and you’re emotionally ready. It’s time, but you’ve been trying for awhile and so far: nothing. You begin questioning if you're struggling with infertility. So, what do you do next? Don’t worry, though because you're not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Plenty of families find success thanks to all of the assisted reproductive technology available today.

The ideal candidate for help with infertility is any couple over 40, couples over 35 who have been unsuccessfully trying for over six months, and couples under 35 who have been unsuccessfully trying for over a year. If you fit the bill, you should start seriously considering seeing a fertility specialist-- that is if you haven't already started considering. Here's a few reasons why you might need the assistance of a fertility specialist.

Ovulation Disorders

“About a quarter of women who struggle with infertility have ovulation disorders, making them one of the top causes of difficulty conceiving,” says Laurence A. Jacobs, MD. This means if you’ve had irregular periods, there might be something abnormal going on with your ovulation. Don’t panic. It doesn’t always mean it’s more difficult to get pregnant. It might just be about getting the timing right--timing is key!

Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a painful disease in which uterine lining grows in places it shouldn’t, and “unfortunately, as many as half of women struggling with infertility, and up to 10 percent of all women suffer from [endometriosis],” says Jacobs. So, if you have irregular periods and/or unnaturally painful cramps, see your gynecologist.

Medical History

Things that may have happened in your past could definitely cause some problems getting pregnant. If you or your partner have had more than three miscarriages, genital infections or pelvic inflammatory disease, irregular periods, undescended testicles, or a DES mother (a mother who took diethylstilbestrol during pregnancy - a synthetic estrogen), you should see a fertility specialist to discuss the best course of action for getting pregnant.

Family or personal history of polycystic ovarian syndrome or premature ovarian failure can also be a factor, says Serena H. Chen, MD, as well as any history of tubal problems (like blocked fallopian tubes or an ectopic pregnancy).

But first...

You should see your primary care doctor and/or your gynecologist before seeking out a fertility specialist. There are plenty of lifestyle factors (stress level, diet, intercourse, etc.) that can help you get pregnant. There are plenty of options available to you today, from medications, IVF, insemination, and donors. Don’t worry, artificial insemination can be the right option for you.

By Joanna Hynes

5 Unproductive Infertility Treatments to Not Follow

Infertility is often seen as an infection of the procreant system because it fails to provide a baby after 12 months or sometimes longer of unprotected sexual intercourse. There can be symptoms in each partner in a relationship. Males can often be tested to see if they are having infertile issues by doctors who utilized clinical interventions, or men may give a sample of their semen to have tested in a laboratory.

Often times, desperate times call for desperate measures. When someone wants to have a baby and aren't getting pregnant quick enough, they will turn to various treatments that simply don't provide results. We're here to steer you in the right direction, so here's 5 unproductive infertility treatments not to follow!

1)    Staying relaxed will not help you get pregnant.

Some couples buy into the myth that if the woman will only relax then she will become pregnant.  The couple will go on to believing that this a form of infertility treatment, but it is not. Fertility problems are medicinal, and they should be treated in the proper and clinical manner, consulting on the advice of a medical professional.

2)    Naturopathy procedures are not dependable.

Some couples fall into the Naturopathy philosophy, which is okay for relaxing, but naturopathy procedures follow the belief that life is ruled by power beyond oneself, which is not science. Scientific procedures test and diagnose your body through a series of tests in order to come to a conclusion on what might help you to become a fertile woman. Naturopathy procedures typically pick methods of naturalistic processes based on what they feel is congruent with their vitalistic philosophy, sometimes in contrast to good scientific evidence which proves that they are wrong.

3)    Natural medicine isn't the "cure-all" answer.

Some people follow Infertility & Herbal Medicine because natural therapists believe that herbal remedies are a great treatment for infertility. However, there is no reputable role through herbal remedies in treating infertility because no products have been confirmed to have meaningful effects. There is also the teratogen (a birth defect) which is a risk that comes with consuming herbal medicines. Herbal products can often bring risk, with no established benefit in the case of fertile production. (Note: Herbal medicines rarely have significant side effects when they are prescribed by a Board-certified Specialist, and are used appropriately and at suggested doses.)

4)    Acupuncture doesn't affect your chance to conceive.

Unexplained infertility follows the idea that doctors cannot figure out why you are not becoming pregnant. Some couples become desperate after hearing this tragic news, so they result to methods of therapy like acupuncture in hopes of becoming fertile. However, most scientists believe that acupuncture does not do any good when trying to help cater to a possible pregnancy. Again the scientific reasoning stems from the fact that infertility has a physiologic cause, and acupuncture does not target this area with any objective effects.

5) Prenatal vitamins can affect fertility, but only in combination with other treatments.

A fertility diet plan is always a good idea when it is executed the right way. When you follow a good diet plan, it is proven to help boost your chances of fertility. Sadly, some couples leave the scientifically proven methods of effectiveness to venture into other territories that are even science-based, like prenatal vitamins. Prenatal vitamins do help in certain areas, but there is no solid evidence that these vitamins provide a prenatal benefit. 

Struggling to get pregnant is a difficult situation to cope with, especially with infertility staring you in the face. However, it's important to not lose sight of proven methods. While it is okay to venture out and try these methods, it's imperative to understand that these treatments are not your key to fertility. If you're having difficulty conceiving, contact your doctor to discuss the right course of action. 

By Preston Copeland

7 Things Infertile Women Hate Hearing

If you have at any point struggled with getting pregnant, you’ll understand that there are a few things that infertile women hate hearing. You don’t even have to be infertile. If you’ve simply been trying to have kids and it’s taking a little longer than you thought it would, chances are the following phrases make your blood boil.

1)    “I hate my kids.”

This expression is not meant to make a person feel terrible, but it does often make a woman struggling with infertility feel terrible. Imagine that you really desired a nice BMW, but you weren’t able to afford an expensive vehicle. Yet the friend you drove with owned a nice BMW, and always complained about how it doesn’t travel fast enough, or that the car is becoming too old, or it needs new tires. Some people would love to change those tires, and be grateful that the car at least drives, and content with the car becoming older. But they can’t own a car, and you can own a car. Something to think about!

2)    “I hate being pregnant.”

 Really? Well, in case you didn’t know, I’m sitting right next to you and I would love to become pregnant, you numbskull! Let’s swap places. Ladies, please don’t say this to your friends, family, or worst enemies. We know you don’t mean to cause any harm (I think) but it’s like sitting on your comfy couch scarfing down a big fat chocolate candy bar and talking about how the chocolate is not as good as the chocolate candy bar that you had tasted earlier in the daytime, when the person sitting next to you would die just to even have a tiny nibble of any kind of chocolate.

3)  “Maybe you should stop trying, Elizabeth.”

Some people should be conked on the head with a flying cook pan. I mean come on, really? I should stop trying. Did you stop trying? I know you are trying your best to console us, but I believe a bit of encouragement would be better than having us give up on having kids. Try and remember how important a child is to your friend or family member before saying something discouraging.

4)   “Well, I don’t want kids anyway. That wouldn’t bother me.”

Where’s my cook pan? It wouldn’t bother you. Well that’s very nice. But it bothers me, you naïve fruit loop! Wake up and smell the Captain Crunch you Lucky Charm. You can likely have sweet little menacing kids, and I cannot. Understand that I deeply desire their expensive presence. They are not like a grocery item that you shop at the store for, and then just place back on the shelf. They are living beings that derive from my very own flesh and bones. Now I feel slightly better.

5)   “You don’t get your period. I am so jealous.”

Oh, my. Well at least you are trying. However, your futile attempts fall short of the goal line. I personally, and many other women out there, would happily go through any range of period pain in order to conceive children.

6)  “It’s all in God’s time.”

Well, now we are getting somewhere. Not really. We learn this heavenly fact each month when we are not pregnant. Also, keep in mind that not all of us believe in the almighty. However, we empathize with your friendly attempts. Please keep in mind our theological preferences, and the proper content of the subject when relaying your divine information.

7)   “Keep going. Do more and eventually you will get pregnant.”

Why had I not thought about this revelatory evidence? Because it stinks. It is just not true or encouraging to tell me stinky information. “Maybe the Gods will have favor on you, Jessica. Just trust in them.” If they are Greek Gods, maybe I will concede, but if any other western Gods are interfering with my menstrual cycle, then we will have a problem. Seriously people, please be a little more considerate and thoughtful with your brilliant analysis on the business of pregnancy and support systems on when to conceive.

Written by: Preston Copeland

The Cost Of Common Infertility Treatments

So you’ve read about possible fertility problems and tests for diagnosing infertility, and now you’re ready to explore treatment options. Below, you’ll find some of the favored treatment options for couples to help with infertility.

Remember, you’re not alone. Celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Marian Carey both sought fertility treatments. If you actually want to talk to others going through this (maybe Kim K won’t answer your calls?), Baby Center has a community of people going through the same thing you can talk to!

Fertility Medications

A lot of infertility causes can be traced back to hormone imbalances. A common solution for this is clomiphene pills and gondatropins injections. Careful, though, because these can increase your odds for twins!

Some drawbacks include mood swings and breast tenderness. Talk to your doctor about the in-depth list of side effects. Clomiphene led to about 80% ovulation in the first three months, and of those, 30-40% conceive within three treatment cycles. Gondotropins led to 15% conception rate when timed properly with intercourse.

Clomiphene pills cost $10-100 a month depending on dosage and brand.

Gonadotropin injections cost $1,000-5,000 depending on dosage and length. 

Surgery

Surgery can help treat endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome; it can also help with genetic deficiencies and block fallopian tubes. While there are always surgical risks and side-effects, there are increased success rates for conception and, if the infertility was also causing pain (like with endometriosis), it can help in other ways.

Surgery can cost between $2,000-10,000 depending on type, anesthesia, inpatient vs. outpatient, and insurance.

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)

This procedure uses a catheter to inject the sperm directly into your uterus. It may lead to some cramping, but it typically lasts a day, and this procedure is often paired with fertility drugs. The success rate in couples with unexplained infertility was 7-15% higher after IUI.

Average cost is about $865.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

With in vitro fertilization, the sperm and eggs are both extracted from the parents, combined in a laboratory, and transferred back into your uterus after fertilization. Women often take fertility drugs in preparation for this procedure. Many celebrities have done this, including Courtney Cox and Celine Dion.

According to Baby Center, IVF had the following success rates:

1. 40% success in women 34 and younger
2. 31% success in women 35-37
3. 21% success in women 38-40
4. 11% success in women 41-42
5. 5% success in women 43 and older

The average cost is about $12,400 per cycle when using your own eggs (BYOE) and partner’s sperm (BYOS).

Donor Eggs and Embryos

There are many reputable egg donation agencies to connect families with fertile women willing to give such a gift. The Donor Source is one such company. A donor egg is mixed with your partner’s sperm and then inserted so you can carry your baby. A donor embryo is ready to go and is injected. There is usually an option for fresh or frozen eggs. Fresh eggs have a higher success rate.

A fresh donor egg with in vitro fertilization will cost between $20,000-30,000.

A frozen donor egg with in vitro fertilization will cost about $16,000.

A frozen donor embryo with in vitro fertilization will cost between $5,000-9,000.

Gestational Surrogacy

Surrogacy is when a woman agrees to carry your embryo (or a donor’s embryo) for the nine months and then claims no parental rights. It can be a long process (legally and emotionally), but many women found success this way. Giuliana Rancic, Elizabeth Banks, and Sarah Jessica Parker all used surrogates, and let’s not forget Kate Holbrook (Tina Fey) in Baby Mama (2008).

A surrogacy is typically arranged through an agency and can cost about $150,000, but only $25,000-35,000 of that goes to the carrier herself. It mostly goes to medical expenses, insurance costs, and legal/administrative fees.

Written by: Joanna Hynes

Diagnosing Infertility

Infertility issues can definitely feel daunting. So many people get pregnant easily or even accidentally, so why isn’t it working for me? Is there something wrong with me?

Absolutely not! Don’t stress yourself out because that just makes it harder! Calm down, look at the abundance of options you have, and go from there. We can make a plan.

The first step is to look at the possible causes of infertility in women, because narrowing that down can help streamline the treatment and options to get you the family of your dreams.

Female Infertility

Ovulation: If you read our When to Conceive a Baby post, you know that it’s possible to have your period without actually ovulating (without actually releasing an egg, necessary for conception). An irregular period could be the sign of an ovulation issue. Managing body weight, taking fertility drugs, or using in vitro fertilization (IVF) are possible solutions.

Endometriosis: Stars like Jamie King and Lena Dunham deal with Endometriosis, a condition where the woman’s uterine lining grows in places it shouldn’t (check out Lena Dunham’s personal essay about her experience with endometriosis). Surgery can help to remove the unwanted tissue as well as open the fallopian tubes. Fertility drugs and IVF are other possible solutions.

Egg Quality: This often connects to a woman’s age. Both the quality and amount of eggs than a woman can produce begins to decline after age 35, which is why it’s suggested that women who can’t conceive after 6 months of trying naturally should consult with a specialist. There are no symptoms for this, and many women have found success with IVF using donor eggs.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome: In addition to her endometriosis, actress Jamie King deals with PCOS as well. This condition means that the follicles in the ovaries never reach maturation and cannot release the eggs. It can be caused by a hormone imbalance and can be treated with lifestyle modifications, medication, surgery, or IVF.

Tubal Issues: Your fallopian tubes are like a two-way highway. They allow the sperm to reach your egg and your egg to reach your uterus. Any problems here make it exceedingly difficult because of the small window for conception. Possible treatments include surgery and IVF.

Unexplained Infertility Problems: A doctor may diagnose unexplained problems if there’s no obvious symptom or issue inhibiting conception. Many believe this occurs because of the subtle differences in each reproductive symptom, things like follicle development, sperm function, or the way the eggs are fertilized. Lifestyle factors also contribute to fertility in a big way, so changes to that could be a possible treatment along with fertility drugs and IVF. This can happen in men or women.

Types of Tests

Ovulation Predictor Kits/Charting Basal Body Temperature: Remember when you tracked your temperature every morning to anticipate when you were ovulating? That’s this first step. There are also over-the-counter tests that predict your ovulation for you.

Blood Tests: A blood test can check plenty of levels that contribute to fertility, like luteinizing hormone, thyroid-stimulating hormone, follicle-stimulating hormone, estrogen, etc.

Hysterosalpingogram: Say it three times fast! It’s actually just an x-ray that can check on your fallopian tubes to make sure there are no blocks or damages. It can also check in on your uterus to check for damage like scar tissue or fibroids.

Laparoscopy: It’s an outpatient surgery to check for things like endometriosis. It’s most helpful to women with pelvic pain or disease.

Transvaginal Ultrasound: An ultrasound probe allows the doctor to check on your follicles and make sure your ovaries can release your eggs properly. They can also check for ovarian cysts or fibroids.

Hysteroscopy: A tiny camera can investigate through your cervix to make sure there are no fibroids or polyps on your uterus.

Your next step is to see what treatment options are right for you after talking with your doctor.

Written by: Joanna Hynes

The Shocking Prevalence Of Infertility In The United States

If you’ve been trying to get pregnant but can’t, you might start to think you’re the only one feeling the infertility struggle. It may seem like everyone is posting about their new little (sometimes surprise of a) bun in the oven all over social media, but according to the CDC you’re actually not alone. It turns out that, “12% of women in the US ages 15-44 experience the difficulty of getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term”—you just wouldn’t know since this 12% most likely isn’t posting about the infertility struggle for the world to see.

In addition to this population of women struggling with infertility, there’s an underrepresented population of men who also struggle with it. The CDC also reported that, “7.5% of all sexually experienced men younger than age 45 reported seeing a fertility doctor during their lifetime,” of that 7.5%, “18% were diagnosed with a male-related infertility problem.” This might be news to you (as most people don’t originally think so), but infertility isn’t just a woman’s health issue.

Since conception is a process composed of multiple steps, infertility can be caused from any incompletion or incorrect execution of any one step. Here’s a quick crash course on reproduction: The first step is the release of an egg from a woman’s ovaries. Then after a trial of baby making, the man’s sperm joins with the released egg to become fertilized. The fertilized egg then continues down the woman’s fallopian tube to her uterus where it becomes attached/implanted to her uterine wall that would be the baby’s home for about nine months. Although a majority of these steps has to do with proper functioning of a woman’s organs, the man’s sperm also plays a huge role and could contribute to overall infertility too.

Most experts recommend trying to conceive for a year before reaching out to a doctor, but feel free to check out more about infertility solutions and treatments to get your infertility questions answered by visiting our Infertility Resources for Patients.

Written by: Jordan Rawlinson

6 Celebrity Couples Who Have Struggled With Infertility

Infertility, as defined by the World Health Organization, is “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of unprotected sexual intercourse.” Though infertility is a disease that can be reversed, it is not always an easy and successful process. It can happen to anyone, of any background, with any health issues and because of this fertility treatments include a variety of methods.

Infertility can be a touchy subject, but people like celebrities do not have the luxury of keeping their personal lives a secret. Many celebrities that have been affected by infertility use their voice to speak on the issue and bring light to the different alternatives to natural birth.

Here are six celebrity couples that have overcome infertility and gone on to have children through the use of In Vitro Fertilization (an embryo transfer process), surrogacy, and adoption.

Chrissy Teigan + John Legend: This couple went through many years of unsuccessful attempts at pregnancy. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) proved to be very successful as Chrissy was able to hold the child and is due to give birth to their daughter within the next year.

Courtney Cox + David Arquette: After multiple miscarriages Courtney looked to IVF to aid her infertility and this eventually led to the birth of her daughter Coco.

Jaime King + Kyle Newman: Jaime went through 5 miscarriages before turning to IVF treatments, where she then faced more difficulties and 26 rounds of unsuccessful IVF treatments. Against all odds Jaime then gave birth to her son naturally.

Sarah Jessica Parker + Matthew Broderick: Sarah’s story is a bit different than the others. Having had one child naturally, Sarah then fell infertile and looked to a surrogate to hold her twins!

Giuliana Rancic + Bill Rancic: Giuliana and Bill tried for about a year and when she finally became pregnant she unfortunately had a miscarriage. Later realizing the miscarriage was due to the fact that she had cancer, the couple turned to surrogacy as well.

Deborra-Lee Furness + Hugh Jackman: While always planning on adopting children the Jackman’s also wanted biological children. After trying IVF treatments they realized it wasn’t going to work and looked to adoption. They now have two adopted children, Ava and Oscar.

Written by: Maren Burns